The Art of Asking - or how I came to embrace my giant squid
I remember the first time I met Amanda Palmer. It was at a signing (for context here's a blog I wrote at the time), so it was over fairly quickly. All I said was thank you, and I smiled. She smiled back and looked me straight in the eye.
At the time I couldn't comprehend that she could be interested in me as much more than another face in a line of fans. The look in her eye said otherwise. Yes, she was in a daze, but in the moment she was searching me, looking for a connection, trying to see if I'd enjoyed the show - her Fraud Police were in force that night.
She talks about eye contact and communicating by making these connections with people in her book, The Art of Asking. She also talks about the Fraud Police which I'll get to in a minute. For her, these connections are easy to make, second nature really. She's been making them since she was fresh out of college earning money as a living statue (and yes, earning is the right word, it's not a job I envy).
For me, it was startling and unlooked for, almost unnatural. My learned behaviour is a reflexive wall to keep people out, or myself in I don't know which. So when she reached out in that moment ...
Her book also made me look back at my writing and theatre careers that weren't. I was trying to make theatre, but it all stopped. I stopped. I stopped asking, I stopped making connections. I started listening to the Fraud Police.
The Fraud Police are those voices we hear in our heads saying we're not really what we seem, people will soon realise we can't do what they think we can etc.
I did make one big connection some years ago however, when I met my now wife. And she believed in me when I didn't, and that was enough for me to start writing again. It's even been enough for me to start putting some writing out there - this blog for instance - and ask in a general way for people to read it. But there's still Fraud Police.
Symbolic of all this is the giant squid. Yes, I said that. There's a scene in The Scarlet Ring with a giant squid, and when I've told people of the book I often end up feeling apologetic about describing a book that has that scene. Which is ridiculous when I would never hold it against anyone else's book and even count it as a good reason to read it. But there it is. And my wife is aware of that, and bought me a kraken bottle opener. She even forced me to tell someone about it - there was context - and the person in question thought it was cool.
Amanda's book showed me that if I'm going to find my audience I have to ask the question - will you read my book? To ask the question I have to accept that no is an answer and so, more frighteningly, is yes. I have to connect with people, to be honest and open with them. Even if that simply means letting people read about the giant squid.
Amanda's honesty and openness have inspired me. I will release the kraken!
Keep dreaming!
At the time I couldn't comprehend that she could be interested in me as much more than another face in a line of fans. The look in her eye said otherwise. Yes, she was in a daze, but in the moment she was searching me, looking for a connection, trying to see if I'd enjoyed the show - her Fraud Police were in force that night.
She talks about eye contact and communicating by making these connections with people in her book, The Art of Asking. She also talks about the Fraud Police which I'll get to in a minute. For her, these connections are easy to make, second nature really. She's been making them since she was fresh out of college earning money as a living statue (and yes, earning is the right word, it's not a job I envy).
For me, it was startling and unlooked for, almost unnatural. My learned behaviour is a reflexive wall to keep people out, or myself in I don't know which. So when she reached out in that moment ...
Her book also made me look back at my writing and theatre careers that weren't. I was trying to make theatre, but it all stopped. I stopped. I stopped asking, I stopped making connections. I started listening to the Fraud Police.
The Fraud Police are those voices we hear in our heads saying we're not really what we seem, people will soon realise we can't do what they think we can etc.
I did make one big connection some years ago however, when I met my now wife. And she believed in me when I didn't, and that was enough for me to start writing again. It's even been enough for me to start putting some writing out there - this blog for instance - and ask in a general way for people to read it. But there's still Fraud Police.
Symbolic of all this is the giant squid. Yes, I said that. There's a scene in The Scarlet Ring with a giant squid, and when I've told people of the book I often end up feeling apologetic about describing a book that has that scene. Which is ridiculous when I would never hold it against anyone else's book and even count it as a good reason to read it. But there it is. And my wife is aware of that, and bought me a kraken bottle opener. She even forced me to tell someone about it - there was context - and the person in question thought it was cool.
Amanda's book showed me that if I'm going to find my audience I have to ask the question - will you read my book? To ask the question I have to accept that no is an answer and so, more frighteningly, is yes. I have to connect with people, to be honest and open with them. Even if that simply means letting people read about the giant squid.
Amanda's honesty and openness have inspired me. I will release the kraken!
Keep dreaming!
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